Yee ‘O Lost Souls

While waiting to enter the exam hall for our final paper today (Stats and maths), there was this guy see. He’s a nigga, wore bright (and I mean BRIGHT) orange baggy pants and black short-sleeved blouse and walks like he’s about to break into a rap at any moment. He was pacing up and down the hallway, and suddenly told this girl standing not far from me "In three hours we will be free. Free like a beurd".

Although his accent was funny, and the girl kinda looks at him like he’s what and stuff, I kinda thought that its true too. I never given any thought about being free from all burdens (at least for this sem) in just three hours! See how focused I was on the test??

Yeah was kinda proud of myself too :D. I have never studied so hard before. That book The 6 Most Important Decisions You’ll Ever Make by Sean Covey really helped me focus. I know I didn’t do so well in the mid-term and if I don’t wanna join those in the resit or repeat list, I’d better get my act together. In addition, the mid-term here is insane! They carried 40% all at once!

So all the more reasons to focus!

Perhaps that’s one of the things I’ve been lacking lately. Focus. I’ve just been too focused on something else that I lose focus on what really matters. Just ask anyone who’s been listening to my rants lately :P.

And also losing focus on not just studies, but the social aspect as well. It took me a while to find out why I don’t feel comfortable around here. I realize recently that I have never had any problems of getting accepted. I mean, I don’t care if people can’t accept me for who I am. If I am perceived as proud I am totally fine with it. Pleased, in fact. But its not like the people don’t wanna hang out with me. It’s me who refused to hang out with them. So the focus totally changed hasn’t it?

Instead of me wanting to be accepted, its about me accepting them, the things around me.

Of course, I still find there are nobody as interesting enough as my Swinburne or current crews to hang out with, but surely, other people are also as rich in personality right?

Especially when, given my classmates where a big portion of them are Sabahans. Like they say, birds of a feather flock together. That’s the situation. I just have this general dislike towards people who cluster together. So I generally stay on my own. And plus there’s that girl who kept wanting to one-up me. She would give people dirty looks if they start to get friendly with ‘her crew’.

You gotta feel sorry for her.

Well not that it’s too bad. Just you know, a few people I have gotten close to turn me off because they are too boyfriend-centered. No wonder I am wary (and weary) of making friends with people with boyfriends. If you wanna ask them to lunch they’d have plans with their boyfriends and it just pisses you off. The rest, in fact, most of them other ones don’t wanna have friends that wants to have fun. It appears as if that’s how I am perceived. I mean, really.

What’s so wrong with eating lunch out?  Aren’t they hungry?

And another thing about going to lunch. You see, these people won’t have a clue as to where to have lunch even if they are the ones who ask you out. Then they ask for your suggestion, like, everytime. Then after a while, they start to dislike your suggestion because say, your choices are too expensive, too different (from what they are used to) and you often stretch their budgets.

Isn’t that something? They ask for your suggestions then hate you for it. Talk about attitude! Worse is that they complain on the spot or right after you eat! If they don’t like, don’t come then! Or don’t ask for suggestion at all! Geez!

And you know what? Even after a while of this they still go ‘I have no idea where to eat. You decided. I’ll eat whatever’.

You’ll know when they had enough when they stop going to lunch with you and made (or pretend to) plans with other people or are not eating at all.

I am just opposed to eating at the uni cafeteria. Is that so wrong? But if there were good company I might go and eat there. I’m not a rigid anti-cafeteria person.

So yeah all this time its about me accepting these things and more. I wonder if my current condition is the way to go. Nevertheless, I plan to get acquainted with more people next sem. Just that, when I get a weak reaction that prolongs, I’ll probably dump that person on the spot. Dumping could mean not taking the effort to say hi when I pass by them or in class. Why bother anyway. I’ve given my 50% and they are not even showing any effort at all. It’s usually during this time that you see who are friend material and who are not. It’s a bit on the mean side but that’s me.

Tomorrow I’m going back whee. Had a cleaning spree tonight. When I go back I’ll be on my exercise regime again. I’ve been gaining weight D:.

Cheese and kaya taste good together.

Ta’ra.

p/s while doing my stats paper today, Uruha’s face kept flashing into my mind. Waaa I thought my love was Aoi, how come it was Uruha?! Why? why?! Such infidelity!

Tonight I contemplated sending the link to my friendster page to Aoi’s fan mail. Just you know, if he should like to suddenly see it out of boredom. Then again, I thought it’d be weird since my display pictures says Farah love Hyde and I’ve written "Hyde is the sexiest man alive" and "I want to rape Aoi"..

…

So better don’t.

For Aoi’s sake.

And no, Totchi I won’t ever tell Aoi I want to rape him in his fan mail. That will just scare the poor creature.

And I don’t wanna be famous in Japan as a pervy Hyde stalker too.

Ta’ra!

~Aurum potestas est~

Yes. That’s true. Really.

I just fanmailed Aoi for the how many times already and last night Totchi asked if I got any replies. I sadly said no. But Aoi you see, is very hardworking. He usually updates the official site’s diary and lately Kai has been joining him too. Kai’s last post was but a few hours ago and Aoi’s last post was yesterday morning at 1 am or so waaaa I was up at that time!! Kai’s second last post was so cute. He said something about his PC crashed but he still get to save the data and he even put this (T_T) face. Hahaha.

You see? I was up the same time Aoi san was. It’s fate I’m telling you, FATE!

I hope Aoi’s English is good since all of my mails are in English. But they are short and simple, straight forward. I tried to stay away from all the fangirl stuff like…

Aoi-sama aisyiteruuu!!!! Gazette wa gambate neee!!!  Aoi-sama stay cute okay?!?!?!?!

or anything related to it.

But I did mention he’s my favorite member of Gazette the first time. I don’t have to say I love you each time do I? Because everyone does that. I mean, obviously people who fanmail him are his fans.

Lately I’ve just been telling him how fun it is to be on the road (they are on tour) rather than getting stuck with studies like me. I even asked him if people on the street ever come up to him and say "omae wa gazette no aoi-san da nee?".

I like to rant and ask question at the same time. At least should there be a reply, he’d have something to say, right? Exactly.

Wishful thinking never kill anyone.

Last night Totchi kinda like gave some Japanese sentences to throw into my last night’s fanmail. The only thing (decent enough) I could put was ‘omae no kao wa kirei da nee?’. Yeah, Totchi pretty much described his whole face, even stuff like ‘omae no kami wa soft and silky’. Hahahaha.

But my favorite is definitely "omae no mune wa…ARIMASEN!!" which literally means ‘your breasts are missing’ or you don’t have breasts. Wahahahahaha! I laughed in my sleep as I thought about it last night.

So what did I write just now huh? I commented how hardworking he was for updating the diary and that I had to use the translator which is very mafan. And told him there are people who love him in Malaysia. Hahaha. If I equal one person then I will force Totchi to love him too, so two person can equal ‘people’ right? If not then there’s Gary who’s fixated on Reiya who he thinks is actually Reita (refer this post). At least I’ll tell Aoi Gary likes Reita best when he crossdresses as a girl and wants Reita to permanently stay as Reiya.

The poor creature.

Reita I mean.

Anyway, I heard L’Arc en Ciel is going on 15th anniversary tour or something. I wonder if they have any new songs to feature. Hmmmm. The DVD tour is already available for preorder. But doubt I’ll ever get it. The only material possession I have reminiscent of L’Arc en Ciel is Hyde’s Faith album. It’s not too bad, actually but I somehow prefer Laruku’s music than Hyde’s solo because they tend to be more hard core rock. Laruku’s has some pop-rockness to their songs.

Totchi said she had never resorted to fanmail. But I fanmailed because it makes me feel closer to Aoi somehow. Still, I think Totchi is having fun watching me drool over Aoi.

Lastly, Gary, I want quality testimonials too!! Send me testi!

I’m in the middle of my finals, see, but tomorrow I’m still going to Mid Valley anyway. Why? Because I’m bored. And besides, I have to get some stuff for my sis’s upcoming birfday.

Retail therapy is good for health.

And also some of those stuff I wanna use too hehehe. I am SO looking forward to going back next Thursday. I’ll be staying home until early January when I will start a new semester. My holiday will be spent raping Kuja and exercising. I wanna regain my stamina back.

man. I wanna be a millionaire by 21.

…that came out of nowhere.

Ta’ra.

I wonder why everytime I start studying either maths or accounting, I felt like vomiting. Must be my body’s natural reaction following my despise for numbers and technicalities.

See why I won’t make a good accountant?

Tomorrow is our accounting mid-term and I had just started studying tonight. I find myself unable to study according to the ‘good kid’ schedule. By that I mean around 8-9 pm. In my primary school textbooks there’s usually this whole short stories of a good student with a perfect schedule everyone should follow. It would include waking up 6 am, coming back from school at 1 pm, doing homework at 2 pm, play football at 4, shower at 6:30, dinner at 7 and study till 9 when it’s bed time.

Try as I might, such a schedule always deluded me. But honestly, did someone actually follow a schedule like that??

As I entered high school, I found 9 to be too early of a bed time. If it’s not 11, its 1 am. In primary school, such sleeping time was unheard of. But yeah, that’s reality huh? I’m sure some people go to bed even later though. Just that,  I try to go to bed before midnight if it’s a schoolnight, so to speak.

Totchi once told me that I should just find my ‘perfect hour’ of studying. It’s that time of the day when your brain is most receptive for all things studying. For her it is around 10 pm till 2 am in the morning or something.

Personally,I haven’t really found what time suits me best, until now. It’s just that, I realized after midnight till about 2:30 in the morning or so, my brain is most active when it comes to writing stories. I have tried writing when I am bored in the late afternoons, but nothing will come out.

Now I feel most receptive studying after midnight. But somehow I want to move the time forward a bit, maybe 10 or so. Because such a schedule will not work on a school night. But then again, when your morning classes start at 10 am, it’ a workable schedule. Since I’m approaching my holidays and the finals, I might as well try out this new schedule huh?

Ah well, mid-term tomorrow. Wish me luck. Ta’ra!

After spending three nights at USTBOSH, we finally left yesterday. We boarded the bus well after 6:30 and arrived about 7:30 pm. In addition it was pouring hard.

Lucky for me, I brought my umbrella. However, my two homies did not so they had no other choice but to brave the elements! Hahaha.

Since I was the only one with umbrella, I managed to get this pic without getting Katan-nii wet. Even with an umbrella, my shoes and parts of my pants were still wet. Not fun. But it was fun though, at USTBOSH.

Today I managed to get my hands on four more of Gazette songs and they are all my favorites! You have to hand it to Gary to be unreliable :P. I found a site that HTTP’s it instead of going through megaupload or something.

Therefore, my happiness is beyond words.

Tonight we’re having an open house mostly because we want to finish the raya cakes and biscuits we brought from home. It’s funny how 90% of our invitations went to Sabahans while none of us are from Sabah. Just goes to show how Sabahan infested our uni is.

Infested. As if it’s a bad thing. Hahahaha.

While preparing the food, I got kicked out of the kitchen several times for staring at them. Is it so wrong to watch someone cook at very close quarters? Either way, I’m a good food taster hehehe.

Also, I went to Gazette’s official site and fan mailed Aoi. I told Totchi that I might start emailing him everyday and she called me a stalker >.>…

But you know, the site has a journal, see, and Aoi’s the one who updates it most frequently so if I mail him everyday I increase my chances of getting a reply! Although the possibility is between never to impossible, but like Adidas’s motto, "Impossible Is Nothing". So a little hopeful thinking might be good for me.

Anyway, time to go. Ta’ra!

I wanted to put this up in the previous post but somehow the upload picture window messed up my IE So I couldnt. Grrr.

Anyway, here is my previous wallpaper: Girlish Toshiya

And here is my new wallpaper: Aoi!!

Very refreshing, isn’t it? Like I said, Toshiya is just a phase while Hyde will always remain my one true love :D. I hereby herald the latest addition to my imperial harem - Aoi!

Still, Toshiya still remains my favorite Dir en Grey member and had influenced me in getting attracted to guitarists and bassists in subsequent bands. Picking Aoi was also an influence of Toshiya’s. And Kaoru, too.

There was water problems here today resulting in me not going to class. Which,  I don’t really mind all too terribly. So instead I went around IOI Mall, window shopping :D. Was fun and all. Tomorrow we shall do more window shopping as I am bored with nothing to do.

Also, I hear the stupid uni’s going to change the exam dates again. Sighs. My sis is not going to like it when I tell her I’m gonna have to change my flight tickets again.

Ta’ra!

It’s been a while since I update this blog isn’t it? I went home about 4 days before raya and stayed there for almost two weeks. Now I’m back here, to this now-not-so-miserable place.

Rraya was a hell lot of fun!! On the first day I went visiting to all the relatives’ house with my parents. But after 4 pm and we have concluded all the important relatives, me and my sisters broke off and went to our friends’ house. We left the house in two cars so it was easy starting off on our own without having to drop by at home to fetch Marimo.

So during the day I visited about two of my friends’ houses, another two houses are my sisters’ friends. Then at night Totchi and I went to Ezra’s house. Waaah that was so much fun!! I mean, I haven’t seen Totchi in a long time and Totchi gave me a raya card!! And not just any raya card mind you! I’ll post up pics later on. So much pictures to put up but this post isn’t really about raya.

It’s about fangirlism. But anyway, that raya card just enhanced my fangirlism. After we came back from Ezra’s house we went to Tao’s. Tao still has the best raspberry and banana smoothie. So nostalgia.

And obviously, along the way we talked about a lot of J-Rock crap! Hahaha!

I waited till I’m here to blog because I really don’t feel much like going online at home, what’s with how infested with virus Towers is. Towers is my PC by the way.

So, since I arrived I’ve been looking for Gazette stuff and lookie what I found!!

A Gazette band pic!!! Back line from left: Kai (drums), Uruha (guitar). front from left: Reita (bass), Ruki (vocals) and Aoi (guitar)!! Yes, I love Aoi. Aoi is my favorite in Gazette.

You can’t rely on Gary to give you band pic. He’ll just be thinking of what else should ‘bite’ him next :P. Bad slave Gary, baaad!

And Gary claimed that Reiya, see pic below, is Reita crossdressing!!

Reiya, Reita . For one, Reita never takes off that band on his nose and two, I have yet to find a site that associates those two together. So I am afraid Reiya really is a girl and Reita has been falsely accused of being an extremely cute crossdresser (not that I think he wouldn’t make a gorgeous girl).

Still, proves that Gary is wrong :P.

Moving on, I have to be honest here. I am torn between the three guitar-wielders. I mean, I love Aoi and he looks hottest during performances like in their PVs, but Uruha looks best in photoshoots.

Sighs. But Reita is hot in both and plus, he’s a bassist! Just like Toshiya! Lately I have a thing for bassists and guitarists. So in general I just call them guitar-wielders since bassists are not really guitarists…are they?

So you see the dilemma I’m in right now? I generally avoided Ruki because he’s a vocalist and has a lot of fans already and he’s short. As you can see, I already have someone in that category. *cough*Hyde*cough*

And drummer Kai…he doesn’t attract a lot of attention and I’m not into drummers. Though he’s cute. In a babyish kind of way.

Gazette’s music is also what could make Dir en Grey’s stuff as background music. Let’s face it, in all of Dir en Grey’s albums, I only truly like about 2 songs, Yokan and THE FINAL. Whereas Gazette there’s Regret, Cassis, Zetsu and the list goes on. And besides, their PVs are not scary. Most feature the band playing together in all their visual kei greatness.

You know what? For now I’ll stick with Aoi hehehe.

Ta’ra!